Well I have to say, I barely realized so many days passed since I wrote last.

I had a surprise migraine for almost 4 straight days with a little still on the 5th day.

 I'm pretty sure the different bed I sleep in  , the amount of driving and sitting in the hospital is not helping.. I never sit this much.. However  were all on a germ lockdown, I guess you would say, this entire floor isn't allowed anywhere except their rooms because of the germs and low ANC levels (immune system).

The nurses come in with gowns and they take them off and throw them out every single time they enter as well as washing hands coming in and going out, both with soap and sanitizer. I'm not even allowed to warm up my tea without asking someone to do it for me.

Zak has about had it here in the hospital, he wants to breathe AIR so bad its driving him crazy. They haven't let go outside his room  since ICU last week for fear of infections.

 Today looks like he might be free'd for a few days so he can go to his apartment and just get outside for a few days before. Everyday the rounds of Dr.s come by and he waits for the ANC numbers and I can see the look on his face and the energy immediately changes to frustration and claustrophobia... "mom I need to get out of here".... Oh my gosh its so painful to watch and see as I go in and out to get air myself. He is amazing to with stand all he is, I know there are days he just wants to go run out of here and breathe and be normal for a moment.

We stayed up late last night playing Monopoly and although we had fun and listened to music and where able to get some time to pass ...

 After awhile he leaned back and said to me, " I don't think I can do one more day!"

My mommy words and all I could come up with was....

 " In the grand scheme of this whole process its a small amount of time from your life that we will get through , so you have a LONG life ahead to enjoy."

I have my two dogs with me in the car that I take out every two hours and I was on my way out and he said... "I want to gooooo," ughghgh my heart broke the way he said it and needed so bad to just go outside.. the boy was raised to be outside, we never stayed still inside, we puddled jumped in the rain, rode bikes and played in parks and walked during all times of years and all times of days.

 Since I can totally understand the feeling of wanting to get out,, I can't imagine any words really make it better... I'd be looking for an escape route to breathe air by now, he's been as patient as you could possibly expect.